Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Randomize
