Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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