I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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