how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
