My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
