Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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