He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
He felt like a one man threesome
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
