If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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