the condom got lost in my hair
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
