I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
There r osticjed everywhere
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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