Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
