I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
