areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Dear god my vagina.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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