jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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