'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
