I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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