Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
