he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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