Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
