u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Randomize
