he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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