They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
