you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Randomize
