Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
