So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
