I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
