It's a beautiful day for a hangover
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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