I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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