I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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