Too much gin, very little bucket
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
