Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
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