dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize