got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
