now i know why i became what i already was.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize