Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
