i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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