happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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