he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
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