I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
