I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
