I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
