Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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