Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
