I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
