I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
