I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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