You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
