Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
