apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
