come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
