its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
