I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
