I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
