Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
