You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
