Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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