so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
She announced her abortion via fbk
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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