Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
