what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
