don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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