Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
These tits shall not be calmed
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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